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 Post subject: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:18 am
  

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New York News Blog
I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script
by Josh Olson

Wednesday, Sep. 9 2009 @ 10:00PM

We know you've been working very hard on your screenplay, but before you go looking for some professional feedback, you might keep in mind the following piece by A History of Violence screenwriter Josh Olson.

​I will not read your fucking script.

That's simple enough, isn't it? "I will not read your fucking script." What's not clear about that? There's nothing personal about it, nothing loaded, nothing complicated. I simply have no interest in reading your fucking screenplay. None whatsoever.

If that seems unfair, I'll make you a deal. In return for you not asking me to read your fucking script, I will not ask you to wash my fucking car, or take my fucking picture, or represent me in fucking court, or take out my fucking gall bladder, or whatever the fuck it is that you do for a living.

You're a lovely person. Whatever time we've spent together has, I'm sure, been pleasurable for both of us. I quite enjoyed that conversation we once had about structure and theme, and why Sergio Leone is the greatest director who ever lived. Yes, we bonded, and yes, I wish you luck in all your endeavors, and it would thrill me no end to hear that you had sold your screenplay, and that it had been made into the best movie since Godfather Part II.

But I will not read your fucking script.

At this point, you should walk away, firm in your conviction that I'm a dick. But if you're interested in growing as a human being and recognizing that it is, in fact, you who is the dick in this situation, please read on.

Yes. That's right. I called you a dick. Because you created this situation. You put me in this spot where my only option is to acquiesce to your demands or be the bad guy. That, my friend, is the very definition of a dick move.

I was recently cornered by a young man of my barest acquaintance.

I doubt we've exchanged a hundred words. But he's dating someone I know, and he cornered me in the right place at the right time, and asked me to read a two-page synopsis for a script he'd been working on for the last year. He was submitting the synopsis to some contest or program, and wanted to get a professional opinion.

Now, I normally have a standard response to people who ask me to read their scripts, and it's the simple truth: I have two piles next to my bed. One is scripts from good friends, and the other is manuscripts and books and scripts my agents have sent to me that I have to read for work. Every time I pick up a friend's script, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring work. Every time I pick something up from the other pile, I feel guilty that I'm ignoring my friends. If I read yours before any of that, I'd be an awful person.

Most people get that. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it's hard to escape without seeming rude. Then, I tell them I'll read it, but if I can put it down after ten pages, I will. They always go for that, because nobody ever believes you can put their script down once you start.

But hell, this was a two page synopsis, and there was no time to go into either song or dance, and it was just easier to take it. How long can two pages take?

Weeks, is the answer.

And this is why I will not read your fucking script.

It rarely takes more than a page to recognize that you're in the presence of someone who can write, but it only takes a sentence to know you're dealing with someone who can't.

(By the way, here's a simple way to find out if you're a writer. If you disagree with that statement, you're not a writer. Because, you see, writers are also readers.)

You may want to allow for the fact that this fellow had never written a synopsis before, but that doesn't excuse the inability to form a decent sentence, or an utter lack of facility with language and structure. The story described was clearly of great importance to him, but he had done nothing to convey its specifics to an impartial reader. What I was handed was, essentially, a barely coherent list of events, some connected, some not so much. Characters wander around aimlessly, do things for no reason, vanish, reappear, get arrested for unnamed crimes, and make wild, life-altering decisions for no reason. Half a paragraph is devoted to describing the smell and texture of a piece of food, but the climactic central event of the film is glossed over in a sentence. The death of the hero is not even mentioned. One sentence describes a scene he's in, the next describes people showing up at his funeral. I could go on, but I won't. This is the sort of thing that would earn you a D minus in any Freshman Comp class.

Which brings us to an ugly truth about many aspiring screenwriters: They think that screenwriting doesn't actually require the ability to write, just the ability to come up with a cool story that would make a cool movie. Screenwriting is widely regarded as the easiest way to break into the movie business, because it doesn't require any kind of training, skill or equipment. Everybody can write, right? And because they believe that, they don't regard working screenwriters with any kind of real respect. They will hand you a piece of inept writing without a second thought, because you do not have to be a writer to be a screenwriter.

So. I read the thing. And it hurt, man. It really hurt. I was dying to find something positive to say, and there was nothing. And the truth is, saying something positive about this thing would be the nastiest, meanest and most dishonest thing I could do. Because here's the thing: not only is it cruel to encourage the hopeless, but you cannot discourage a writer. If someone can talk you out of being a writer, you're not a writer. If I can talk you out of being a writer, I've done you a favor, because now you'll be free to pursue your real talent, whatever that may be. And, for the record, everybody has one. The lucky ones figure out what that is. The unlucky ones keep on writing shitty screenplays and asking me to read them.

To make matters worse, this guy (and his girlfriend) had begged me to be honest with him. He was frustrated by the responses he'd gotten from friends, because he felt they were going easy on him, and he wanted real criticism. They never do, of course. What they want is a few tough notes to give the illusion of honesty, and then some pats on the head. What they want--always--is encouragement, even when they shouldn't get any.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to tell someone that they've spent a year wasting their time? Do you know how much blood and sweat goes into that criticism? Because you want to tell the truth, but you want to make absolutely certain that it comes across honestly and without cruelty. I did more rewrites on that fucking e-mail than I did on my last three studio projects.

My first draft was ridiculous. I started with specific notes, and after a while, found I'd written three pages on the first two paragraphs. That wasn't the right approach. So I tossed it, and by the time I was done, I'd come up with something that was relatively brief, to the point, and considerate as hell. The main point I made was that he'd fallen prey to a fallacy that nails a lot of first timers. He was way more interested in telling his one story than in being a writer. It was like buying all the parts to a car and starting to build it before learning the basics of auto mechanics. You'll learn a lot along the way, I said, but you'll never have a car that runs.

(I should mention that while I was composing my response, he pulled the ultimate amateur move, and sent me an e-mail saying, "If you haven't read it yet, don't! I have a new draft. Read this!" In other words, "The draft I told you was ready for professional input, wasn't actually.")

I advised him that if all he was interested in was this story, he should find a writer and work with him; or, if he really wanted to be a writer, start at the beginning and take some classes, and start studying seriously.

And you know what? I shouldn't have bothered. Because for all the hair I pulled out, for all the weight and seriousness I gave his request for a real, professional critique, his response was a terse "Thanks for your opinion." And, the inevitable fallout--a week later a mutual friend asked me, "What's this dick move I hear you pulled on Whatsisname?"

So now this guy and his girlfriend think I'm an asshole, and the truth of the matter is, the story really ended the moment he handed me the goddamn synopsis. Because if I'd just said "No" then and there, they'd still think I'm an asshole. Only difference is, I wouldn't have had to spend all that time trying to communicate thoughtfully and honestly with someone who just wanted a pat on the head, and, more importantly, I wouldn't have had to read that godawful piece of shit.

You are not owed a read from a professional, even if you think you have an in, and even if you think it's not a huge imposition. It's not your choice to make. This needs to be clear--when you ask a professional for their take on your material, you're not just asking them to take an hour or two out of their life, you're asking them to give you--gratis--the acquired knowledge, insight, and skill of years of work. It is no different than asking your friend the house painter to paint your living room during his off hours.

There's a great story about Pablo Picasso. Some guy told Picasso he'd pay him to draw a picture on a napkin. Picasso whipped out a pen and banged out a sketch, handed it to the guy, and said, "One million dollars, please."

"A million dollars?" the guy exclaimed. "That only took you thirty seconds!"

"Yes," said Picasso. "But it took me fifty years to learn how to draw that in thirty seconds."

Like the cad who asks the professional for a free read, the guy simply didn't have enough respect for the artist to think about what he was asking for. If you think it's only about the time, then ask one of your non-writer friends to read it. Hell, they might even enjoy your script. They might look upon you with a newfound respect. It could even come to pass that they call up a friend in the movie business and help you sell it, and soon, all your dreams will come true. But me?

I will not read your fucking script.

Josh Olson's screenplay for the film A History of Violence was nominated for the Academy Award, the BAFTA, the WGA award and the Edgar. He is also the writer and director of the horror/comedy cult movie Infested, which Empire Magazine named one of the 20 Best Straight to Video Movies ever made. Recently, he has written with the legendary Harlan Ellison, and worked on Halo with Peter Jackson and Neill Blomkamp. He adapted Dennis Lehane's story "Until Gwen," which he will also be directing. He is currently adapting One Shot, one of the best-selling Jack Reacher books for Paramount.

©2009 Josh Olson. All rights reserved.

Fair Use Notice: This material is made available, free of charge and without profit, for research and educational purposes, public review, and debate as provided for in Section 107 of the United States Copyright Law.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:21 am
  

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FTR:

Everything Josh says above is true.

Period.

LYMI,

LB


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:42 am
  

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Yes, but I recently saw "A History of Violence" and I have some notes for him. For instance, the central tension of the script was, "Is he or isn't he?" and Josh gave it away halfway through the movie.

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:00 pm
  

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Anybody who walks up to a successful professional screenwriter (or a professional anything/anyone in this business) and puts them on the spot like that, deserves a 'fuck off and die' instead of even the slightest consideration. This summer I asked a TV writer at an industry party (at Just For Laughs in Montreal) for a specific piece of advice about a situation I found myself in, that's it. He was very nice, he offered his two cents, I thanked him for his time and graciousness, we parted company. If I had whipped out a synopsis or God forbid a script I would have been a world class asshole douchebag who should have then been politely escorted out of the party. People who do that kind of thing are plainly and simply self-centred pricks who deserve no quarter. Zee-ro.

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:43 pm
  

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I know that what he says is true. And how lucky for him that he was born all-knowing into a successful career and never, ever knew a time when he was just starting out and looking for someone in the industry to give him feedback. Huzzah!

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 8:56 pm
  

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Hmm, looks like the L.A.Times got it:

Quote:
Oscar-nominated screenwriter to neophyte scribe: I won't read your [#%&*$@#] script!
from The Big Picture by LAT Blogs

I have one tiny piece of advice for any aspiring screenwriters out there. You can ask many people to read your script, starting with your old college buddy, your sister-in-law, that bartender you know who supposedly sold a pitch to New Line, the hot babe workout instructor who lives next door and your cousin Vinnie whose wife's best friend from high school is married to a personal manager.

History_of_violence But don't bother asking Josh Olson, who earned an Oscar nomination for his script for "A History of Violence." If you do, you might turn up in the sequel to a wonderfully acerbic rant that Olson just wrote for the Village Voice about all the hapless young knuckleheads who bug him to read their scripts, convinced that they've dreamed up the next "Reservoir Dogs" or "The Hangover."

I've heard other screenwriting pros voice many of the same sentiments Olson does, but no one has ever put it down on paper in such a marvelously blunt, take-no-prisoners fashion. What I especially love about Olson's rant is that it's actually a passionate, if prickly, defense of the art of writing, which has been debased in many ways, but especially by the distinctly modern-day attitude that anyone with a slim but catchy idea can somehow think of themselves as having been instantaneously transformed into a serious writer.

Olson was apparently moved to write his rant after giving in -- during a moment of weakness -- to the request by a friend of a friend to read a two-page synopsis of someone's script concept. Olson says he's normally way too busy reading his friends' screenplays or scripts for work to have time for amateur stuff, but as he put it, "sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it's hard to escape without seeming rude. Then, I tell them I'll read it, but if I can put it down after ten pages, I will. They always go for that, because nobody ever believes you can put their script down once you start."

What clearly aggravates Olson the most is that hardly anyone views the art of screenwriting as, well, an art, much less a serious craft. As Olson sees it, most aspirants "think that screenwriting doesn't actually require the ability to write, just the ability to come up with a cool story that would make a cool movie. Screenwriting is widely regarded as the easiest way to break into the movie business, because it doesn't require any kind of training, skill or equipment.... [So] they will hand you a piece of inept writing without a second thought, because you do not have to be a writer to be a screenwriter."

He offers a damning summary of the synopsis ("what I was handed was, essentially, a barely coherent list of events, some connected, some not so much") before revealing his biggest error -- he offered an honest assessment of the script idea, since the young writer had insisted that he wanted some real criticism, not the puffy compliments he'd gotten from his pals. Being a true screenwriter, Olson actually tossed out the first draft of his critique before offering what he thought was a succinct and considerate thumbs down. As he put it: "I did more rewrites on [his e-mail to the aspiring writer] than I did on my last three studio projects."

Of course, no good dead goes unpunished. As he put it:

"Because for all the hair I pulled out, for all the weight and seriousness I gave his request for a real, professional critique, his response was a terse: 'Thanks for your opinion.' And, the inevitable fallout -- a week later a mutual friend asked me, 'What's this dick move I hear you pulled on Whatshisname?' So now this guy and his girlfriend think I'm a [jerk], and the truth of the matter is, the story really ended the moment he handed me the goddamn synopsis. Because if I'd just said, 'No' then and there, they'd still think I'm a [jerk]. Only difference is, I wouldn't have had to spend all that time trying to communicate thoughtfully and honestly with someone who just wanted a pat on the head, and, more importantly, I wouldn't have had to read that godawful piece of [junk]."

Maybe this is way too blindly idealistic on my part, but I wish USC would let Olson run the screenwriting program for a couple of years. He might empty out most of the classrooms, but at least the people who survived might take their craft more seriously and actually have a chance of becoming real writers.

Look at it this way. Asking a top H'wood writer (or even a middleclass one) for help is like asking Arnold for bodybuilding advice back in the day. His response was to make up something that wouldn't work. Josh's is to be totally honest and express the way just about every writer feels when novices, who usually aren't adequately equipped to become writers, come knocking on their doors.

That's why TVWriter.Com exists. TVWriter.Com was created to help new writers. Because I'm a crazy masochist acting out my feelings of guilt and shame over my success. And I too resent and usually turn down anyone who asks for a read unless it's through one of the classes or contests at TVWC. Without self-imposed rules, I'd never be able to survive doing what I do here.

LYMI,

LB

Fair Use Notice: This material is made available, free of charge and without profit, for research and educational purposes, public review, and debate as provided for in Section 107 of the United States Copyright Law.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2009 2:43 am
  

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Brody wrote:
Look at it this way. Asking a top H'wood writer (or even a middleclass one) for help is like asking Arnold for bodybuilding advice back in the day. His response was to make up something that wouldn't work. Josh's is to be totally honest and express the way just about every writer feels when novices, who usually aren't adequately equipped to become writers, come knocking on their doors.

That's why TVWriter.Com exists. TVWriter.Com was created to help new writers. Because I'm a crazy masochist acting out my feelings of guilt and shame over my success. And I too resent and usually turn down anyone who asks for a read unless it's through one of the classes or contests here. Without self-imposed rules, I'd never be able to survive doing what I do here.

LYMI,

LB



I have no problem with what Josh wrote, or his attitude. And you have no reason to feel guilt or shame over your success. But I have appreciated the side effects.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2009 5:45 am
  

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Great article. That Picasso anecdote is going straight into my mental filing cabinet for future use - even if it turns out to be apocryphal.

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2009 7:35 pm
  

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I understand the article and its author completely, but, having said that, the pearl of wisdom that everyone seems to impart on the would-be writers is to go to LA, not just because it's where the jobs obviously are, but what we get hammered into our head over and over by every book, blog and article is that it's all about the contacts. Only to learn that we're assholes for trying to make those contacts. Luckily, I was an asshole beforehand so I'm comfortable with that. :mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:08 am
  

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There's a huge leap between making contacts and being the asshole who asks someone to do their job for them for free.

If the asshole in the article had simply said - "Hi, I'm looking to be like you one day, any advice you could give me?", I'm sure the response would have been very useful and ripe with insight into the industry. Then, if and when Josh met asshole again, asshole could say, "Hi, remember me? You gave me some great advice at that wedding, it's really helped me improve as a writer and a professional." to which Josh, no doubt, would reply "Glad to hear it; so what are you working on?" or some such. Asshole replies with a logline - if it's good, Josh says so and the subject closes there, if it's bad, Josh imparts a few more words of advice perhaps. Then, if the logline sticks, Josh remembers asshole as not-so-much-of-an-asshole and may find himself shortly in a position to help said acquaintance-asshole advance his career and - hey, he's a nice lad, he's got some good ideas, but most importantly; he didn't expect me to read his script or treatment or synopsis just because we happened to be at the same wedding.

A contact is someone you know, perhaps managed to have a beer with once or twice, the sort of guy you can stop and share a few words with when you pass in the street - an acquaintance, someone who thinks you're a nice guy. First and foremost (I would hope at least) they're a friend and a "contact" second. When you confuse these things, then you're edging closer to assholery.

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 6:46 am
  

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wzychee wrote:
I understand the article and its author completely, but, having said that, the pearl of wisdom that everyone seems to impart on the would-be writers is to go to LA, not just because it's where the jobs obviously are, but what we get hammered into our head over and over by every book, blog and article is that it's all about the contacts. Only to learn that we're assholes for trying to make those contacts. Luckily, I was an asshole beforehand so I'm comfortable with that. :mrgreen:

Okay, I'll give you the advice I give in TELEVISION WRITING FROM THE INSIDE OUT. It's about going to L.A. and making friends. If a person is really a friend, with time and wherewithall, when they know you're a writer they'll do something to help, just as you would for them. It might be reading - but probably not because I don't want to read my friend's script and find out he's a deluded jerk who can't write for shit - but it could also be in the form of bringing you into social situations where you'll meet agents, producers, etc. What you want to have happen is to get to know people OTHER THAN WRITERS who buy/hire/represent writers who because they've met you in a professional situation will ask you to become professionally involved with them.

"Hey, wanna write this thing for me?"

"Hey, you don't have a script about dogs ruling the earth, do you? My boss is looking for one."

"Hey, do you have an agent? If not, c'mon over and talk to us."

My career was very successful because people wanted to hang out with me. They wanted me to be part of their company so we could laugh our butts off together everyday. The fact that I could do the job was an added bonus that enabled me to KEEP the gigs and the friendships.

See the difference here, dood?

LYMI,

LB


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 8:34 am
  

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I understand the difference. What I'm missing is the reason why Josh Olson couldn't have politely said "No, I'm sorry, I can't read your treatment." What irks me so about that piece is not the message of it, but the whiny, snarky tone with which its delivered. You don't want strangers to approach you and ask you to help them with their careers? Go be an accountant or insurance salesman somewhere. Like it or not, success in the entertainment industry comes with notoriety. Yes, there are hundreds of rude, clueless people out there who think they can acheive success simply with the right connection, but dealing with that comes with the job.

Josh may have worked very hard to get to where he is in his career, and has every right to resent those who feel they shouldn't have to. BUT -- there are thousands of people working just as hard, who have just as much ability who will never get the chance to have the sucess that Josh Olson is fortunate enough to enjoy. He could really dial back the attitude.

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 8:49 am
  

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ChedderHed wrote:
He could really dial back the attitude.

Gotta tell you that I totally disagree. And so does every writer I know who's been put into the awkward position Josh was put into. Which means, just about all the writers I know. A lot of pros are talking about what Josh wrote, and I've yet to hear or read one who disagrees.

And now a word about PR: Attitude works. Ranting works. Being open and out there and pushing the envelope in what you write, whether it be a screenplay or a screed, works. It gets attention. Puts you in the spotlight. Makes money.

That said, knowing Josh I know he didn't write this piece the way he did for any reason other than - well, hey, that's how he writes.

Emotion and intensity are what good writing is all about. Creating a reaction is something you WANT to do. Even if the reaction is equally intense, and filled with anger.

LYMI,

LB


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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:30 am
  

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Gotta disagree with you I'm afraid, Ched.

There's a huge difference between "it comes with the job" and "it SHOULD come with the job". Just because some people are dicks doesn't mean we shrug and live with it - if everyone did that, things wouldn't just stay the same, they'd get worse. Instead, people like Josh are risking being lambasted simply to be honest and say - "things like this aren't right, we shouldn't act as if they are". His attitude is justified because there's probably hundreds of incidents behind his words and it's simply not fair that anyone can put him in a position to (a) be a dick for not reading their script/treatment/etc... or (b) give up his time and, more often than not, still be seen as a dick. It's not right, and there shouldn't be a social expectation on people to give strangers a leg-up simply because they're higher up the ladder. I can't think of another business in the world where this would be seen as acceptable, yet in Screenwriting - as you demonstrated yourself - it's endemic.

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 Post subject: Re: Why Josh Olson Won't Read Your Fucking Script
PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 1:47 pm
  


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Nearly ten years ago, I sent my first script to Larry and he sent it back with a short "great work, you're almost there!" I wrote back asking him specifically what was lacking...what did I need to work on? He wrote back maybe a little impressed, saying "Most writers just want to be told they are good not how they can get better." I didn't have this problem because I already knew where I was as a writer--when you compare yourself to the greatest writers that ever were--you know exactly how far you have to go.

Now, I know I am a nobody, but I've gotten a few things published and a little movie, blah, blah, blah and I am approached by people BEGGING me to BE TOTALLY HONEST. And EVERY SINGLE TIME without exception I was honest--I heard Larry's words. And every single time the person's face would fall and they would get silent and perhaps they were thinking I was a egotistical bitch. Uh no, it's my own literary education-- not my own writing affords me to know the goods when I see it.

But as I get older, I have decided to be more on the encouraging side. Maybe the person's story sucks, and I know it will never get published or made but I will talk to them and try to be encouraging....and say the things that good writers say..."Read lots, live lots and and of course write!"

Christine

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